Session Notes: Johnny

Energetic Walls- Another Day At The Office

Sometimes I walk away from a session in a daze. Did that really happen? What did I just see? Did I make that up? I may as well embrace this, just make it my tagline and turn it into a cute graphic t-shirt: Andrea Mangum Reiki - Did I just make that up? I probably just made that up.

One of my favorite clients is named Johnny. He is young, creative, and passionate about his work. He typically comes to me for relationship/confidence issues, and just generally trying to adjust to being a person. You’d think that in his 30ish years of life personhood would be a little more natural and things would make more sense, but, for a lot of us, being a person in this culture isn’t exactly easy. Becoming someone who can navigate the complexities of relationships, purpose, and healing while staying true to themselves is a lifelong endeavor- and healing from who we had to be in childhood (or however our caregiver wanted us to be) is the first step. And damn if it isn’t the hardest.

I’m still working on it. Just this morning my husband got minorly annoyed, not at me, about not having a dry towel when he got out of the shower and I instantly shrunk into the tiniest mouse of a person. If I could have receded into the wall and disappeared, and I happily would have. Because when an adult in my house growing up was upset you better BECOME INVISIBLE in order to not make things worse. Remember when you were a kid and you would ask your friends about what the best superpower to have would be? I always had the same answer- invisibility cloak. It wasn’t because I had grand plans of sneaking into movies, stealing candy, or scaring my friends…I was just like, no one would see me and that would be great!

Another thing we typically learn to do as kids, besides instantly adjusting our energy to every environment, is to build “energetic walls”. Johnny built walls to protect himself as a kid, particularly from his dad who did not hide his disappointment in Johnny’s lack of interest in typical male pursuits. These walls, to me as an energy healer, actually look like walls around different areas of people’s bodies. Often around their chests to protect their hearts, but also common around the sacral chakra and upper back. They are areas of contracted and restricted energy flow, gray or black, and even show signs of age- like an old brick wall or a dilapidated fence. The older the structure appears, the longer it has been in use for the client’s energy flow. Johnny’s wall was around his chest and back, and I mentioned to him that it seemed like he may have built it when he was 11 or 12. He confirmed that those were the years his relationship with his dad changed for good.

The problem with these energy walls is that they do one job, and they do it really well- block people out. In order to do that, a wall will always hide your vulnerability, quiet your truth, mute your sense of self, and eventually get in the way of relationships you actually want to have. Some people respond to years of living behind a wall by under-representing themselves: being as small and as pleasing as possible to make life comfortable. Others over-represent themselves: using force and power as a smokescreen to prevent people from truly seeing them. Either way, walls prevent us from living in our own authenticity. And while they were useful to protect us as children, they are always a hindrance to healing when we are adults.

Johnny was the under-representing type. After opening up his chakras (specifically working on his solar plexus, throat, and sacrum) we brought energy up to the cage-like walls he had built all around his upper body. I can give walls a lot of energy and help them to dissipate, but if I don’t involve the client in the work it usually won’t stick. Johnny needed to tell his body that he no longer needed those walls. He needed to thank his childhood self for protecting him for so long, and send gratitude to his mind and body for doing such good work. But now, it was time to reassure himself, in all the ways, that he is safe. That the walls that were one useful to him are causing problems in his partnership and friendships. As he sent these affirmations through himself, and opened up his chest and back energetically just by releasing the tension he didn’t even realize he had been carrying for twenty years- the walls dissipated. The energy down his major energetic pathway (through all of his chakras) began to flow smoothly and with a new strength. His solar plexus swirled happily. He was one step closer to true and authentic freedom.

What a strange and beautiful job I have, and what a massive gift it is to me to walk along peoples journeys of physical, emotional, and mental healing. Every single day I say to myself- This is so weird, and I am really, really lucky.