Understanding the Assignment(s)

Recently I have been thinking about strategy. I would have told you that I’m a strategic thinker before getting married, but it’s hilariously obvious that I’m not one at all in contrast to Jason. He is always thinking about what move to make next, what to prioritize, what to incorporate, how to achieve his goals while pursuing the manifestation of his values. I’m more of a responder, meaning that if I am not centered and grounded I respond to life based on my feelings alone. This thing/circumstance/interaction/news makes me feel bad, so it is bad - or- this thing/circumstance/interaction/news makes me feel good, so it is good. But, applying a value to anything removes curiosity from the equation. That kind of black and white thinking leads us to quickly categorize life instead of learn from it. Bad things are meant to be endured, and good things are meant to be enjoyed and held onto. But what are my goals, and what is my strategy to get there?

I was talking with some friends last night and we came up with a word that went straight into my personal canon of ideas. You know when you discover a phrase that clarifies a jumble of thoughts you’ve been having, and you feel a sense of relief to have finally defined it? The word was assignment.

What if we thought about life like this: the journey of the soul on earth is like school. Every day you get an assignment, and you can’t move on to the next one until you finish it. When your high school teacher assigned an essay or a test, you probably didn’t feel like it was personal, right? They weren’t assigning this task to you to punish you, or embarrass you, or make your life miserable. The task was given to you to expand your awareness of the world (or yourself), or to encourage you to engage with ideas that you hadn’t before. What if life is the same? What if existence is a teacher?

Here's the whole rubric:

1.     Follow your resonance

2.     Stay curious

3.     Don’t insist on any particular outcome

That’s it. That’s the strategy.

1. Resonance is the feeling of the word yes. When you are completely in flow in your creativity and the ideas just come effortlessly- yes. When you are doing work that fills your soul- yes. When you stand on a mountaintop and marvel at the beauty of this earth- yes. When a new idea, or song, or story stops you in your tracks- yes. When you achieve a goal or do something that reflects one of your values- yes. Resonance is typically a good feeling, but remember we are being careful to not assign value to things because all feelings are “good” even though they are not all pleasant.

You may describe resonance as joy, or flow, or love, or bliss. Whatever you call it, lean in. Follow it. Be curious about it. Identify it. Get down to the core of it. Envision your life with more of it. Imagine an existence where you live in it all the time. Make the goal of living in resonance your strategy. But, how do we get there? To a life full of joy and resonance and meaning and connection? Well, we may have to learn some stuff first. We may need to let things go, shift our framework, release fear, heal from our past, and find our authenticity.

This is where the assignments come in.

2.Keeping curiosity at the forefront allows us to depersonalize the work of the assignments. Instead, we can show up every day like we did at school, knowing that the teacher has prepared lessons for us and that hard work is a necessary part of the gig and not a punishment. What if we asked ourselves questions like-

-       What new idea will I learn today?

-       Who will I be able to give something to today?

-       Who will I be able to receive something from today?

-       What lesson is put in my path in order to accelerate my growth?

-       What have I not learned or released that keeps coming back?

-       What surprises await me today?

-       What new opportunity will I be given to grow?

-       How can I alchemize this difficult situation into positive energy?

The instant you make a judgment call on any situation, either good or bad, follow that up with a question to get you back to curiosity. You can, and will, have feelings about whatever it is. Be curious about those too. Why am I feeling this way? This is a strong reaction, what may be the root of this? I really love this, what is it exactly that I am resonating with?

But we must remember that resonance is a feeling, not a circumstance. 

3.This is why we must never insist on an outcome for anything. How many people have you heard say that they thought celebrity, or power, or money was the answer, but instead it made them miserable? They did not actually want the circumstance of being famous or wealthy, they wanted the resonance/feeling that they thought it would give them- feelings like freedom, security, and purpose. There’s plenty of evidence to prove that circumstances do not provide a predictable outcome for feelings, therefor you cannot reliably create a life of resonance and joy by shifting your outer world.

In my own life, I really didn’t know what circumstances needed to be in place in order for me to feel how I wanted to feel (secure, grounded, and free), and I kept being disappointed that everything I was doing externally wasn’t making me feel any better. Over time I began to realize that I would never be able to feel how I wanted to feel if I didn’t create the capacity within myself first. And oh, how the universe gave me plenty of assignments to get me there. If you can feel free while in a circumstance that is keeping you caged, then you have unlocked a new skill that you won’t ever lose. If you can create purpose in a life that circumstantially feels meaningless, guess what? You’ll be able to find purpose everywhere, forever. If you can learn how to ground yourself, anchored in your authenticity, in the middle of a storm- congrats, you did it! New skill unlocked.

You cannot cultivate these skills without the assignments. You can’t learn in school if you refuse to listen, or read, or ask questions, or study- and it’s no different with life. You can't gain a muscle you don't put to work. Once you lean in, stay curious, and understand that the assignment isn’t meant to punish you, then no matter how your circumstances change or shift, you will eventually come to a life of more and more joy, purpose, and delight.

AND HERE’S THE WHOLE DAMN POINT- This is a group assignment. This work requires access to information, support, and a fair bit of privilege. If someone is living in survival mode, this kind of broad thinking and self-reflection can be out of reach- their brain isn’t going to be happily curious if they are fighting for their life, right? “I wonder what my kids not having enough food is teaching me?” No. There are so, so many people around you all the time that are stuck in the mire of survival mode, and they need you. Sometimes life is random and chaotic and shitty. Awful things happen. Sometimes terrible people create circumstances that trap others in fear and oppression. I don’t have an answer for that, but-

The purpose of reaching freedom is to set others free.

There are people, like Jason, who work hard to break old systems and create new ones for people that support a life of flourishing, peace, and true freedom. This kind of work sets people free and creates even more freedom-workers. There are also people, like me, who work hard to help people find flourishing and peace no matter the circumstances so that they can access their true voice. This also sets people free and creates more freedom-workers. Both parts are incredibly important and go hand in hand, and once you reach a sense of freedom and authenticity you likely will be compelled to this do this work, too. You can be either, but you can’t be neither!

So, what does the Great Teacher have for you today? You got this, and if you ever need someone to talk to- I'm here. We aren't meant to do this alone.

Andrea